I'm sorry for those that don't appreciate colorful, insensitive language. Which is why the title happens to be, "28 is just too much..."I actually counted and the F-word count happened to tally up to 28 uses in my last blog. Yeesh. Maybe if i halved it, then it would be 14, which happens to be a good number...So sorry to you readers that didn't like the uninspired writing. I'll try to tone it down when i'm angry. And now i'm depriving myself of sleep again, because writing is so important to me and i find that it's a good way to release...everything.
Whether it's stress, anger, joy, sorrow, basically any emotion that you feel you can convey through writing, is a beautiful release because we are all intertwined within a beautiful struggle.
On a lighter note, i decided to end the streak of allowing my hair to grow unimpeded. For seven odd months, i let my tresses continue to grow out of my scalp. At first, it was just something to do, something to take my mind off of the day's struggles. And eventually it became something of a fascination, because i had so many opposing this seasonal look for me - which i don't understand.
What is it about the way someone looks that causes such a dramatic reaction from random people? First it was my mother, who constantly prodded me to cut the thatches of hair. Then it became others, like the rest of my family. Thanks everyone, for being OH SO supportive of my newest decision. Yeesh. Even my grandma would make fun of me, albeit in an entirely different language, so i would have to assume her overtones of displeasure and her indignant remarks were negative comments towards this new hairstyle.
Yes, inang. My buhok is nagatidog. Whatever that means. Inang, i know what "pangit" means.
Anyways, this refusal of cutting, trimming, disposing of, getting rid of my hair became more than a stand to guard my freedom of style. It became more; It became a rebellion against the traditional views that my ENTIRE family decided to plant squarely upon my shoulders. When in reality it all started with me wanting to grow my hair out again because i was depressed and didn't feel like cutting my hair.
Despite this lack of support, i persevered for however long i had decided to stay strong. But eventually, once the pathetic attempts to get me to clip my long, flowing locks started to slow from a steady stream into a light trickle, when i suddenly felt like i had no reason to hold onto this weight that was, literally, on my shoulders. (chuckle)
And so, with Bambeezy in tow, we had an adventure to TanMan's garage/barbershop to make Robot.M look like Orlando Bloom...Yes, i had looked up hairstyles prior to venturing to TanMan and happened to stumble across Orlando Bloom Post-Pirates of the Caribbean. He has a slightly long faux-hawk but styled to look more uptown-chic or what have you...
Yeah that sounded really out of my character. I became obsessed with hairstyles when i finally decided i wanted to cut it. No problem with a little research before an important decision. Sheesh.
Anyways, so i decided to go with the Bloom look, faux-hawk and all. Unfortunately, that meant cutting off my tail of Jedi-joke-fame-for-years. I've had that tail on and off since freshman year of HIGH SCHOOL. Wowzers. That wasn't difficult at all. Oh wait, yeah it was.
After finally getting the cut i wanted, and styling it the way i remembered, it was as if a weight had been lifted from me, literally and figuratively. I mean, i did have a symbolic reason for cutting my hair, but mainly it was just for a change of pace y'know?
But cutting my hair has led me down many different pathways. It's as if the loss of hair was a catalyst for the rest of changes that are going through my current life.
I cut my hair, and suddenly my life seems much more light-hearted.
I cut my hair, and suddenly my style of clothes has differed critically from the past looks.
I cut my hair, and suddenly it's as though my attitude towards life has become much MUCH different. I almost feel comfortable and complacent with life. It's an awkward but comforting feeling, regardless.
I literally feel like a new man. Which is strange, because it doesn't feel like i've done much to change, but rather, my life has melded and evolved around me without me noticing much because it was such a quick process that i am not used to; usually my thought process is a lengthy, protracted course that i am following not of my own free will, but of nature's will, Nay, rather God's will.
Through my depression, i've learned to pray much less selfishly and more selflessly. My faith has grown...tenfold, twenty fold, twenty-eight fold? I've been much more pious as a result of me struggling through my despondency. And as a despondent, it seems as though this recession of mine may potentially be a "Good Thing Tm" (in my context) because of what it's made me think of, not of what it's made me sad about.
Excuse my horrible picture up there. But i had to do it. I'm in a slightly comical mood because my life is that sad...
Comically unsound,
Matt.A
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