Huh. I wonder...

Why is it that i've been having so much trouble writing anything in here? Is it because i just haven't been worrying too much about writing my thoughts in here? Is it because i've found people to confide in while somewhat realizing that this blog was once the journal that kept my sanity afloat? I have no clue. I've started, then stopped; Started again, then stopped again. Is that how my life has been as well? I'll start something great, then be stopped by some twist of fate, then start something else wonderful, only to be hindered by some other unfortunate incident. Maybe i spin my own calamities into existence by worrying about the next string of depressing events. I'm not particularly sure, but i can see that surely being a substantial problem.

Enough about my melodramatic tirade about my own personal despairs; Let's get on with why i'm still writing in this text box: Because i'm desperate to get my thoughts out before i realize that my life is too sick to get better. I feel like i've still got enough to talk about before i actually end up kicking the bucket. So basically, life has been an emotional roller coaster, cliches aside. I know my friends have been very supportive throughout this process so i'd like to thank all of those that have actually taken the time to talk me through this depression, and provide insight and kind, or motivationally cruel, words. I don't take things lightly, so thank all of you who've decided that i needed a kind word, or a kick in the ass, to get back up and moving again.

So i've decided that, despite being really down, i want to be up. No matter how confusing, or how, "That's what she said," that could've been, it just describes how frank i want my days to become. I am thoroughly disappointed with the choices that have been placed in front of me, and i have disappointed others as much as i have been disappointed in myself. No matter what, though, i will persevere and get to the moment that life decides that it is once again bearable and worth living. The last time i really felt that happy was when i was onstage at Rock Band Live, singing my heart out with my brother and the rest of [DTF!].

And sure enough, God decided to give me a sign. A cue, even. It really is time to move forward. Forward with life. Forward with forgiveness. Forward without thinking about your past. It's time to look forward. And I am going to try with the utmost sincerity to look forward, rather than look to my past to claim my future judgments. I am going to move on with life, because life has been moving on without me.

I need to catch up, guys.
There's no more water under the bridge.
There's no more sad songs to be sung.
There's no more feeling sorry for myself.
Now, there is closure.