Sunday Morning

I forgot how wonderful and elegant family trips to church and costco were.

We ordered food for four people and spent 9.32 for three slices of pizza, a hot dog, and two drinks. If we were at Round Table or Little Caesar's even, that would've been at least double the price. Yeesh, stupid economy.

Too bad costco was a short lived experience today because we're going to a youth for Christ meeting. Meh, I'd rather play magic and draw, but I've got to visit my roots sometimes. When I walk in, they'll probably end up mobbing me like usual. :3 My friends are awesome.

And phone calls lately have been making me feel better, and also depressing me. At least the happiness is outweighing the frustration.

Thanks Kookookachoo.
-Matt.Abero

P.S.: I made a tumblr today. I was inspired by Leejay. Good inspiration. Visit orebattam.tumblr.com. I think.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Pre-Spring Break

So today is the beginning of my Spring Break, basically. I've got a class from 10-11 so I'm basically home free.

I saw a duck today while I was parking. Before that I danced to Anti-Matter at Bj's apartment. Before that I woke up at 6:30AM because my friend decided that I'm a great morning person. Luckily, I am.

Now that I've recollected today memento style, let's go forward through time now. I'm expecting to play magic today with Tyram and most likely will end the day with Street Fighter 4.

My gief is a boss. Lariat+FADC+ex Green Fist = 200 damage. Lolz.

So I decided to break up with Karlee on Tuesday. Sucks a lot, thanks for asking. I just wasn't happy, to be honest. I tried, she tried, we tried. But in the end, does it really matter? Thanks emotions for being Hella strange right now.

Well class is finally starting. I'll catch up with you guys later.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

3:33 AM? Seriously?

Ok, why in the world did i wake up at 3:33AM? Is it just my body telling me something? Like, you're going to bed too late, so i'm going to wake up earlier to punish you!

Ok that was an oversimplification, but you get the gist. Fuck it. Sleeping is for the weak, and the normal, and the people who enjoy sloth. I probably don't belong to any of those categories because apparently i'm still fucking awake. >:O

I tried breaking for the first time in a while yesterday. I'm so out of shape. I tried to roll into an air chair yesterday and i thought my arm was going to fall off. Then i saw a guy do hopping, clapping pikes. Thanks for the encouragement clapping-pike-man. hehehe.

Whatever, enough about my ranting.
At least my relationship is doing well...? *sigh*
Ok, probably not. We haven't been talking, and life is just stupid right now. To be honest, i just don't see us the way we used to be. I used to be ecstatic and playful and now i'm just unhappy. It's really disheartening. I just feel like her pushing of my buttons and rattling my pet peeves is just becoming too much.

I'm sorry, it's probably the lack of sleep that's causing me to feel this way. Maybe i should try to go to sleep, because if not, bad things might happen today. After all, i woke up at 3:33.

Happy Day? or The Avenue Q preexcitement speech.

My day is expected to be very bright. Unfortunately, it's very gloomy outside, but i found something that made me really happy today: "Happy Clouds" by Stuart Semple.



Geez, that really made me happy, because it was such a random happy moment.
That and i got a really nice call this morning, and i freaking woke up at 7:Freaking45 AM. But it's alright.

I'm excited for Avenue Q, and today would've been ridiculously busy, but i've decided that kicking back and watching my favorite musical is much better than training for camp, playing in a ProTourQualifier with a format i don't even like, or doing some other thing that's not as important as time well spent.

I hope you all see your "happy clouds" today. ;3

Disappointing? Almost.

As the title states, today was almost disapponting. It was strange to say the least because I wanted to go to campus early to hang with the homies, peeps, and whomever else decided to grace my presence today. However, slothiness got the better of me until about four. I was supposed to obtain a disc of great importance from my friend today containing such hits as Mitch Hedberg and the funky Banana, and other awesome licks. But she went to go pick up her nephew around 4 so I was left with no cds.

To tell you the truth, the last time I actually got a CD from someone, it was named mistakenly disturbed and actually was not a music CD but rather, a disk filled with porn. o.O
Needless to say, I was thoroughly excited to be expecting a mix from someone, mainly because of a book I had read. And I love music. So to not be able to recieve it until later made my day a bit more disappointing.
Then to make my day better, I expected to hang out with the fellas and break. Too bad there was no breaking to be had and so I was upset. Then a stranger asked me to give him a ride, and obviously I said no. He was a short, stubby, black kid who probably had no semblance of the phrase, "Stranger Danger!" however I merely declined and proceeded onward in my day. This is where my day picks up.

So I leave my old high school and then get cut off by a BMW M5, or whatever the Beamer SUV is called, and so I honk and leave my horn depressed for another twenty seconds. Then I get the hilarious idea to follow the person until they decided to stop wherever they may go. I don't knoooooww, Iiiiii don't knooooow. That's from a Beatles song which I enjoy. Kudos if you know which one.
So they end up pulling into a random (or not) parking lot, and I felt like I hadn't thought my plan through completely, such as what my contingency plan would be after the person decided to get out and confront me.

Then I went to school. And now my day is no longer disappointing. I hope? I dunno, we'll find out. Dinner might go well, or I could end up going straight home. T_T
At least I know that it's going to a good cause. See everyone at Round Table!

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

iBlogger? iT's aWesome!

So this is my first blog from my iPhone. Let's see how well iBlogger works, shall we? This is my first blog in a very verrrry long time, so you all should feel very enthused by this.

I'm waiting for my midterm to start, so perhaps I'll go and do that...

I'll be back soon.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Alright, so...

I've finally got time to post something worthwhile, while also having something worthwhile to post, and yet, i'm relegating it to the back of my mind because it needn't be said anymore.

What i was going to blab on about was that Obama was inaugurated for the Presidency last week and it was an amazing day, not counting the fact that Obama took over Bush's job. However, i feel like i just want to chill and not talk about anything heavy or do any crazy research work like i used to do with my posts. I think that my blog is going to be coinciding with my events only. At least until something groundbreaking occurs.

Today happens to be the first day of the Spring 09 semester at Sac state. I'm lucky enough to have gotten out of CRC and back into the "spring" of things. Cheesy as that may sound, i am very excited for this upcoming semester and this event is groundbreaking enough to talk about.

I've been in college since Fall of 06, then i took classes at CSUS for the Spr07, Fall07, and Spr08 semesters, but switched over to CRC because i needed some quality time away from serious schooling. Despite the slight hardship of not being able to sign up for anymore than 7 units, i got to clear my head and i learned a lot about myself just from that one semester. I learned that i can still breakdance and Nursing is not quite my forte, as my portfolio for photography suggested. Apparently, i make a great photograph. So going into the Spring 08 semester, i decided to take as many Graphic design courses as i could because if i'm completely abandoning four semesters of nursing classes, i better make it worth it. Unfortunately, earlier this week, i find that the classes i was waitlisted for were gone and so today i attempted to fill the gaps with other classes, three sections of government classes. They were all completely filled, which slightly depressed me. However, my spirit was enlightened when i actually found that i still have many friends at Sac State in the Student Union. There are still a lot of people that know me and remember me, which makes me feel like leaving and coming back was a very good decision.

I even ventured in parking in the parking structure that i used to park at, except without a proper parking permit. Wow, say that five times fast...

Anyways, so after 8 hours of school, i expected about seventy parking violations just jumbled over the windshield. However, i didn't have a single ticket. I was juiced, to say the least. This "juicing" led to me visiting my old Jamba Juice that i used to work at, hoping i could have hope for a re-hire. Sure enough, my old friend, Liz was working that day and she quickly gave me a hug and told me that they were hiring and i would definitely be looked at seriously. Obviously, i worked there before. And even more obvious, i was excited for the opportunity.

So now i wait in the union for BJ and Kal to finish their CORE meeting so that we can all go back to his apartment and fucking eat. D: I'm really, really hungry. All in all, today was a glorious day, and I'm just going to cap it off by chilling with friends.

It's alive...IT"S ALIVE!!!

YATTA!!!

My macbook is actually running, despite it not having an actual battery. 

I finally decided to just go ahead and buy a charger for it, despite it being 80 bucks. 

T_T

But whatever. I'm finally free of that worthless windows laptop! So Saturday was my very great friend, BJ's, birthday and he wanted to go to Jackson Rancheria. Since lady luck was smiling upon me by deciding to send me my last paycheck, i decided to take my chances.

There were a lot of mainstays there, like Kal and Jeff, and i got to meet some of BJ's best friends, like Sean and Kevin and Phil of the FYOOTCHAAA! That's "future" for those who are unable to read. 

Anyways, so it was first time actually gambling in a casino so i was fairly juiced. And by fairly, i mean HELLA. I started by walking around the slots with Jeff, not being able to decide on what we wanted. And by decide i mean, lose our money. However, this eventually led to us wanting to eat. And eat we did. We walked to the food court and found this Pho place that one of the girls, Brittany, was talking about, which sounded fairly satisfying. And she said it was Buy One Get One FREE!!!

It wasn't BOGO (Buy one get one). Disappointment is one of the words that comes to mind. Turns out that the BOGO is only valid Monday through Friday. Apparently it was neither of those weekdays because we had gone to Jackson on a Saturday. I said that's fine, despite being down 14 bucks because i offered to pay because i owed Jeff much food. And i was in jovial spirits. I mean, paying full price was ok because i still got to chill with Jeff and we got to eat some mediocre, but filling, Pho tai nam, or whatever i actually ordered. And i asked for a water cup and filled it with Fanta.

;D

Meanwhile, i was looking on my phone for which table game i actually wanted to play because slots aren't really my forte. Thankfully i remembered that PieGow poker was very similar to Pusoy, which is a Filipino game where you get 13 cards and you make two poker hands and a three card hand on top. PieGow is actually 7 cards with a two card hand on top and a poker hand on the bottom, but the bottom hand must be higher than your two card hand. For instance, you need to have something like if your 7 card hand had two pairs, you could put the lower pair on top and the higher hand on bottom. Good thing i am lightweight good at Pusoy which makes me fairly good at PieGow? Anyways, so this is what we did. I wiki'd up PieGow poker and got the basic rules and played with Jeff and the Dealer. So basically it was a 15 dollar minimum and i was kind of apprehensive at first, but i decided, "Hey what the hell, it's some of my last money, but i'm totally DOWN!"  so 15 dollars it was and the dealer told us what to do with our cards and etc. So the first hand i push with the dealer, but Jeff has the unlucky hand of nothing, queen high, which is not particularly great. He loses, i'm still in the game. The next hand consists of a pair of 6s and a pair of aces and a...Joker? Wtf? Is that anything? So i place it as Aces on top and 6s with the joker, expecting it to be a three of a kind. So the dealer flips my hand over and tells me it's a foul hand, and i obviously retort with...What the fuck? He tells me that the joker is always an Ace, unless it finishes a straight or a flush. So my hand is foul because i would have 6s on top and Triples of Ace on the bottom. However, he calls over the Pit boss, and asks her whether i should have a foul hand or not, and luckily, she is graceful enough to take pity on me not knowing what a fucking joker does and let's me remake the hand. SO, the dealer is like, oh shit, and i make it 6s on top and trips of aces. I win my FIRST fifteen bucks! The next hand goes like me losing to aces and trip kings. Yeesh, and then i'm playing with my last fifteen bucks pushing it until i start to win again. Awesome. I start to win enough that they ask me to take off my prescription Gucci shades because it's slightly conspicuous. I leave with about 4 times what i started with. Grrrrreat!

After telling everyone that Matthew made bank, we proceed to leave while some of BJ's other friends get there. Specifically, his friends from the bay. We return home to BJ's apartment where he gets the jovial greeting from his friends already at his apartment waiting for him to get there so the party can start. 

I'm kind of in a hurry, so I'll leave out the juicy details for the next post. Sayoonara, readers.

Let's just say the party had a happy ending for me.

Finally optimistic, 

-Robot.M

Anti-boredom serum.

You know what picks me up?
Anti-gravity.

But besides that, i enjoy a long walk talking about life, and of course the sporadic jam session with friends! Unfortunately, i was WAY too in the zone to record, but today we went to downtown sacramento, in the tunnel between the K street plaza and Old Sacramento, and jammed like no other. And by no other, i mean i had my guitar and BJ had his uke, and Mark had his Pink DS. Oh yeah, work it.

Meanwhile, while proceeding to entertain the passersby with tunes aplenty, someone actually decided they were authentically diggin' us. This guy walks up, and i'm doing some acoustic guitar bongo-action and BJ was strumming out a melody to a song that i can't quite recall at this moment. Then the guy randomly pulls out his wallet and i immediately perk up and gave him a grin. He pulls out a 5 dollar bill and puts it into my hat that i laid on the ground for such an occasion as this, and he then begins to freestyle to our melodic rhythmic procession. We give him props and many thanks as he walks away. Funny how we actually decided to chill there without expecting any kind of change to be thrown at us, and, lo and behold, some stranger decides that we're worthy of a substantial amount of payment. That really made my day. Funny how things work out like that. I finally decide to take a positive outlook on life, and it beings to pay me back.

Literally.
I guess an optimistic view on anything is room for opportunity to knock. And knock it did.
And when i got home i had money. And by money, i mean my last paycheck which i will devote to finally getting my Macbook back and working. I hate using this disappointing "try all you like, but i won't start up for another twenty minutes" windows laptop. But alas, the time has come to live life anew. And by new, i mean use my old macbook and hope that it still runs infinitely better than this piece of doody butter.
And i'm going to UCDavis tomorrow for inifinite Street Fighter 4 and Bowling. WHAT!

This is Robot.M signing out.
-Matt.A

Huh. I wonder...

Why is it that i've been having so much trouble writing anything in here? Is it because i just haven't been worrying too much about writing my thoughts in here? Is it because i've found people to confide in while somewhat realizing that this blog was once the journal that kept my sanity afloat? I have no clue. I've started, then stopped; Started again, then stopped again. Is that how my life has been as well? I'll start something great, then be stopped by some twist of fate, then start something else wonderful, only to be hindered by some other unfortunate incident. Maybe i spin my own calamities into existence by worrying about the next string of depressing events. I'm not particularly sure, but i can see that surely being a substantial problem.

Enough about my melodramatic tirade about my own personal despairs; Let's get on with why i'm still writing in this text box: Because i'm desperate to get my thoughts out before i realize that my life is too sick to get better. I feel like i've still got enough to talk about before i actually end up kicking the bucket. So basically, life has been an emotional roller coaster, cliches aside. I know my friends have been very supportive throughout this process so i'd like to thank all of those that have actually taken the time to talk me through this depression, and provide insight and kind, or motivationally cruel, words. I don't take things lightly, so thank all of you who've decided that i needed a kind word, or a kick in the ass, to get back up and moving again.

So i've decided that, despite being really down, i want to be up. No matter how confusing, or how, "That's what she said," that could've been, it just describes how frank i want my days to become. I am thoroughly disappointed with the choices that have been placed in front of me, and i have disappointed others as much as i have been disappointed in myself. No matter what, though, i will persevere and get to the moment that life decides that it is once again bearable and worth living. The last time i really felt that happy was when i was onstage at Rock Band Live, singing my heart out with my brother and the rest of [DTF!].

And sure enough, God decided to give me a sign. A cue, even. It really is time to move forward. Forward with life. Forward with forgiveness. Forward without thinking about your past. It's time to look forward. And I am going to try with the utmost sincerity to look forward, rather than look to my past to claim my future judgments. I am going to move on with life, because life has been moving on without me.

I need to catch up, guys.
There's no more water under the bridge.
There's no more sad songs to be sung.
There's no more feeling sorry for myself.
Now, there is closure.

2009 is making out to being a horrible year...

Yes indeedy. 2009 is already on my blacklist...
Jeez, i feel like jumping off of a bridge and it's only the first Monday of the year.

My iPhone was broken for three days and i had to go to AT&T and the Apple store for two days trying to get them to do something that wasn't incompetent. I finally got my iPhone replaced, which makes me feel better about life? Almost.

Then i spent all of yesterday trying to talk to my girlfriend, when i asked an unusual question:

"Do you still love me?"

She didn't answer until i got home, which i'm glad she did. And furthermore, i'm glad she had the honesty to tell me the truth. She said that she doesn't have the same feelings anymore because we never see each other and i rarely talk to her on the phone.

All of these obstructions are her fault, just to clarify.
She's been busy moving for the past...week? and Before that she was in Fresno for Hmong New Year. And Christmas. And Regular New Year.

And i tried very, very hard to let her know every single day that i love her from the bottom of my heart. If i could even just talk to her for 15 minutes, tops, just to tell her that i love her, then i would. Because it was worth it. And then two weeks later she finally decides that because we never see each other, or talk to each other, that it's ok to just change your mind about love.

"Love isn't a shoe that you can just try on to see if it fits. Because you can't just take it off whenever you please! A shoe can be lost in a storm if it's strong enough, and that's not love. Love is something that is rooted deeply in your heart and should never be let go."

But i suppose that doesn't mean anything to her, does it? I mean, sure we're still together, and i know that i still love her, but it's just NOT FUCKING FAIR.

Life always does this to me in some way, shape, or form. ALWAYS
Never (or at least i think never) have i been in love with someone that loved me back. I believe. I was always told that i was loved, and then later, discarded for lack of real love. Every girl i have loved truly has not loved me back. They'll tell me they care for me but they just can't get the nerve to love. So i have to make myself vulnerable so that they can feel better about themselves, but when i need the same security and understanding i get shunned and tossed aside? This is the basis of "Fuck Life," at least in my situations.


I'm just really tired of telling myself the old adage, "Tis' better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all." Is it really better to lose love then to never have to experience heartbreak? Or am i just being naive, as always? Fuck it. I don't want to be the whipping boy anymore. This is fucking stupid and i know it. If love wants to come back to me, then it needs to be fucking obvious and fucking true because i'm going into the anger part of my tirade and DAMNIT i think i deserve to be fucking on-tilt right now.

*Sigh* i told myself that i would be controlling my temper and maybe this is just a test. Two of my resolutions involved me to:

1. Control my temper
and
2. Be more patient

And frankly, this is as good a test as any right now God. So i WILL be patient, and i WILL be kind, and, for my sake, i will stay with Liz until she can find it in her heart to love me again. I'm just sad that i have to keep my guard down until she either loves me fully again or leaves me in the gutter...

This always happens to me.
Please don't let it happen again, God.
-Matthew.Abero

iPhone WTF?

So. It's almost 3 o'clock and i am still not sleeping yet. Wanna know my secret?

It's my iPhone fucking fritzing out. Yeah. Really.
I ask everyone else who has an iPhone 3G and they're fine and fucking dandy.

Great.

It's 2009, shouldn't i be able to have a phone that fucking makes calls and recieves them without being a damn BRICK!? Whatever.
The only reason i'm still up is because i'm attempting to save my phone by restoring it to factory settings, which of course, deletes everything on my phone. Awesome. I love losing everything.

So Mourn for my iPhone if it never returns from it's netherworld or oblivion from where it is exploring. May it rest in peace, or come back. Whichever comes first.

Matt's iPhone
2008-2009? (question mark only for the hope that it doesn't brick itself.)

-Matt.Abero