Oh, I'm sorry. Have i been neglecting you?

I realize that i haven't written anything meaningful in here in a very long time. Sure i post pictures of enlarged stomachs and Joker munny, but at the end of the day, you want to be able to read something thats inspiring and enlightening. I don't want to sound like Kevin Smith, of Jay and Silent Bob fame, in his book A Boring-Ass Life where he entrenches his audience with verbosity and copious amounts of humdrum details about his life. He even spills his life into an online diary, much like a blog, but more or less about the events that he's going to speak at, such as "An Evening with Kevin Smith," and, "Silent Bob Speaks." It's not even that i don't like his memoirs; no, i enjoy reading about the adventures of others and i can appreciate going through the motions of other people's lives, but man how many details can you pack into one day without becoming tedious about it?

Anyways, not trying to be a hypocrite, but i do tend to be a bit wordy when it comes to my daily grind, so i apologize, Kevin Smith.

However, i haven't written in here since September. Month of my birth, oh favorite of months. But now it is October, and fall has come, and yet it still feels like i'm DYING OF HEAT STROKE. Come on, Mother Nature!

MOTHER!
;D

I feel like it's time to be wearing long sleeves and pull overs around this time, but Mother's like, "Hell naw you ain't! You need to weather another season of hot weather!" Ok, i don't understand why Mother Nature sounds like an angry black woman, but she DOES ok!? This is my writing and, "i do what i want!" (Cartman)

Ok that was shameful and distasteful. Sorry for having to implicate anything South Park related in this publishing. I like animation, and i admit to laughing at South Park here and there for their vulgar remarks and hilarious off-color comments about such topics as 300 and World Of Warcraft, but never again should i refer to anything remotely near South Park.

So Anyways...
I went to the club for the first time yesterday. Yes, strange, right? Someone like me you expect to be a regular club consort/patron, but no. Yesterday, i felt my club cherry pop. That sounds like a soda! Club Cherry Pop, available in diet and regular. Coming to stores near you NEVER. So, the implications of this unceremonious fiasco all started when, after a Magic tournament, my good friend comes to me after the tournament and asks me, "Hey dude, do you want to go to the club today?"

Me being a friend who doesn't like to say no, says yes, "I am down, like FUNKYTOWN."
He responds with, "Down like a clown, Charlie Brown!"

Yes, these are real life testimonials. You heard it here first folks; down like a clown, Charlie Brown.

So, me being in good spirits because i won the tournament, joyously obliges and we make plans for tonight. He tells me, "Dude, you're like the only one i can really ask to go to the club, because everyone is kinda....Meh." And of course, i'm totally ok with going to the club being that i'm a dancer, i'm open for spontaneity, and i am a total extrovert; or at least i thought i was. He's obviously stoked, because he doesn't want to go alone, and he tells me he's going because he's going to meet up with a girl that is slightly interested in him. Hm. That's fair. So i am now an official Wingman.

So i get all gussied up, wearing four layers, beater, v-neck, white dress shirt, and grey long-sleeved sweater from American Eagle. Slim Levis and Ed Hardy kicks, included. What? i really wanted to look good dammit! And so all prepared, i get out of the door and walk to my car and some random black chick from my street needs me to drive them to the gas station and back because they're out of gas, but i'm like, sorry miss, i'm late to where i'm going, already, so sorry. I drive to my friend's house in midtown, where he is getting ready for the night out. He's sort of got a gut, so he does the whole, vertical-stripes-with-the-sweater-vest look, and i'm like, chill. So we drive to Barcode, where he works, just not today. He gets us in free and he intro's me to all of his coworkers and we're standing around waiting for the spot to pick up. It's about 10:30 and it's still kind of dead. Huh, go figure. So i'm walking around, following my friend, debating whether or not i'm going to look for prospects or commiserate in my current problems. In the early hours i'm doing the latter, standing around with my boy, not doing shit. Eventually the dance floor becomes packed, and i decide that I should forget about my problems tonight and fucking have fun.

So i keep walking around. We're playing, "Your Team." Don't ask. Unless you really want to. My friend and i have a serious conversation about club etiquette. Do you ask the girl to dance or do you straight up put your crotch on her butt and expect her to shake it? Yeah, i suck at this. It's my first time!

Eventually i gather the courage to walk up to this group of mostly white girls and i'd been eying this short, great looking, girl. I don't actually ask, but instead, experiment and just walk up and dance with the girl that is the most active, hoping that i end up in their circle. Sure enough, she dances with me, albeit not all-up-on-me, which i can appreciate. Eventually, i'm dancing in the club with a group of fairly pretty women. I offer my hand to the short girl i was especially eying, hoping she'll dance with me. She's fairly shy and declines. I gesture a "That's fine," and keep dancing in their group. My friend is hella funny and we start doing such classics as the Dice Shake, The Q-Tip, the Shopping Cart, and the ever-favorite, The Sprinkler. Oh God, why? Laughing out loud, we continue to dance when this guy my friend and i spotted earlier in the back of the club, dancing by himself, starts dancing near us. And by dancing we mean, Hip-thrusting with serious emphasis on Hip. Yeesh. This guy needed some meds...or a reality check. He looked like he could use an oxygen tube and some Diazepam. Anyways...

So he starts sucking up all the girls in our group because he's freaking hilarious. Watching him caused me to throw my head back in laughter and disgust. It was a mixture of disdain and agony and mirth. And so my friend is like, DUDE BATTLE HIM!!! Round 1 FIGHT SHIT!

Uh, no. I have too much self-respect for that. And yet, when all of the girls start to egg me on and tell me to battle this guy who is obviously too old for the club, and probably the senior night at bingo, for that matter, i happily oblige, being all jovial in spirit and all. Luckily he doesn't understand what i'm trying to do, so i break off and let the women do their dancing. My friend and i back off and watch. I try to ask this cute looking asian woman for a dance, expecting etiquette to win, and of course she declines.

The ladies decide to walk off because they're hot, not necessarily in looks but in temperature, and my friend is telling me to go and follow them. Obviously, i don't want to be creepy, but i don't want to be alone in the club, so i have to follow my friend. On the way out to the patio, i see my old co-worker and friend, Ashley and she walks in looking really good. She happens to have an amazing looking friend, with a cute looking afro, walking beside her. I'm dancing by myself, and she comes up to me with her friend and says, Hey I KNOW you! And i remember her as well, and she gives me a hug and we introduce our friends to each other and she vows to have a dance with me later. i agree and we go our separate ways in the club.

I end up walking around again, vowing to look for prospects, but in reality am thinking about a certain someone, someone that i should be trying to forget because i'm in the club, but alas, her pull over me is much too strong. However, i decide to stop with the melancholy thoughts, and go and find Ashley. My friend and i look for the cute girl in the big afro and we spot her. It's like Where's Waldo!? but in the club. Anyways, i find them, we dance for a song or two, i try to chill with them but it's slightly difficult seeing as how the dance floor offers about an inch or two of personal space. We end up exchanging info, and etc. so i end up chilling on a stairway and they are at the top of the stairs. I feel kind of awkward afterwards and walk back to where my friend might be and he talks me into dancing with that group of cute white girls. Heheh. I hear, "You'll be my American Boy..." and i'm dancing in their circle again.

The cute short girl i've been eying is still looking awkward but is starting to open up and her girls tell me, Hey it's good for your first time right!? And i exclaim, Hey, today is my first time too. Ok more like nonchalantly offer as matter-of-factly. And we exchange smiles and continue dancing. Eventually they leave around 1 and i'm left alone with my friend again. We're walking around trying to find some sort of prospect, and i'm looking at this slightly-ghetto looking filipina girl. Her friend notices me and my friend spotting them and she straight up walks to us, and eyes us really grossly. And my friend and i look at each other, then burst into laughter. That was amazingly funny.

I almost mark our night over, and see Ashley and her friend being wallflowers. I obviously take the opportunity to try and dance with her friend, with the amazing afro. So this is perhaps the only time of the night where i feel like the night was not meaningless. We start to dance and i get closer and closer, and now we're intertwined like we're lovers. We rock and bump and grind like there's no one else in the room and i finally understand what the club is for. Then we get ridiculed by our friends and calm down. lolz. But when she's on the wall, i'm suddenly attracted to her and get on her and i've pinned her against the wall and once again we're grinding like we're making bread. She puts her leg around me and i keep going. But then we get tired and stop. I try to stay around, but we're just on the wall now. And my friend wants to leave. So we end up going after saying my goodbyes to Ashley and her friend. Just because of that moment in time when we thought of nothing but each other, i feel like i had a reason of being there. Strange, but true.

We leave and in the car reminisce the hilarious moments in the club...Hypes!
The horrible guy dancing and sucking up the girls. Hip shaking to the extreme.
Unsightly women in the club. The whole reason for, "Your Team."
Talking to the guys working there. Cool guys, the whole lot of them.
The amazing looking white girls. May i never forget your faces. Though i probably will.
Ashley and her friend. I wish i could remember your name, miss. I had a great time.

And of course the disappointments...Gripes...
Sean, not being able to see the girl who "supposedly" is interested in him. Hella left him hanging.
The horrible dancers. Yeesh.
The guy who had a serious face and only did the "Pelvic Thrust." Yeesh.
The dude who almost started a fight because he didn't want to leave peacefully.
The guy wearing the same outfit as Sean. What a bitch-ass mugger.
Another horrible guy, but Asian, and trying much too hard.

All in all, something i'd be willing to do again. I tried to call people to come through, but alas, i have no friends. Just kidding. I have no friends that can make it to clubs, or answer their phones. Thanks for trying PCS! I love you!

Meanwhile...I've been breaking and playing Magic again, so hopefully my hobbies pull me out of my misery. I won the last two Magic tournaments i went to. Yay me? Still no flare or windmills however. I CAN'T LET JANELLE WIN!!!

Catch you guys on the other side of the pillow. P.S. Stay Cool.
-Matt.A

elihwneaM...
Bam, you're an amazing brother dude, and i'm so glad that we can put up with each other enough to hang out every other night. ; 3
Derelict Expedition made me sleepy.
Thanks for being awesome dude. I'll see you in like...twenty minutes.