Bad Baseball Puns?

So life threw me another curveball. But i think that it hit a grand slam in my imagination.

Yes, i think i'll answer my own question. Yes.

Anyways, i was talking to AngeloAkaBamBamAkaPowerfulB, and he randomly told a story about Van Gogh's Death. And i was like, "This is awkwardly random." So supposedly the story goes, Van Gogh is in a shack next to a solitary road, and he's doing his painting thing.

And the story skips around, because i guess it's a weird train-of-thought-type-dealie. And the last person to witness Van Gogh sees him in his solitary shack while he's painting. And the person, who happens to be a farmer, is just cruising along in his mule/steed-driven carriage/cart, and he hears a gunshot. Apparently, the farmer goes back to the shack and sees Van Gogh f/ bullet wound in chest, caused by Vannie Pack himself. But there are more paintings around. Strange, i think to myself. He shoots himself in order to go into crazy survivalist "need-to-get-my-ideas-out" mode? And achieves it. Supposedly.

And i think to myself, out loud, so that Bam can hear. 

"I wonder what it's really like to witness yourself dying."

Wouldn't you really become ridiculously hectic and chaotic in trying to get all of your ideas and fancies and images in your brain out onto your creative canvas? i mean, i follow a totally different venue, but i truly wonder...

What happens if i contract some rare disease in my spleen that's slightly impossible to remove via modern technology? What will i do/achieve/strive for?

Can'tremovethisdiseaseinmyspleenitis.

That'd be a great name for the disease that i contract, because i'd be so rare that i'd be comparable to Charizard. Take that secondary Pokemon market. I bust the value on giant reptilian flame-breathing flying draconic lizards.

That was redundant.

Yeah, that was redundant.

So anyways. I thought to myself again, out loud so Bam could hear.

"I think i'd get you like...twenty dollars worth of Taco bell. That'd be interesting, right? You could remember all the great times we had when we had irresistible urges for something spicy, cheesy, crunchy...

"And hmmm, i think i would get PCS a blank book, but fill it halfway with writings of  my life, because i know that she'd be able to fill the other half in. She knows me that well.

"And Metro...doesn't know me as well as PCS so i'd get her a blank book but tell her to write things for me so that i can read important things about life before i lose mine.

"I would give Michelle that scrapbook that she put on me to do, thinking i would never do it. Well, since i would be dying, i'd have/take the time to put my all into it. How's that for closure? Or i would just get her shoes, and tell her that was for the year that you made amazing in my life, and would remind her how amazing of a person she really is.

"I would give J(e)an a camera so that she'd be able to see life through a looking glass the way i do, allowing her to view the world in a different lens, a different sight seeing what her days would be like; What her daily life would be like, what she does that might seem mundane and what she sees creatively.

"I would leave my Macbook with either Jojo or Mikey and leave a single note on the Desktop, with nothing else on the facade. And it would say, 

"I want you guys to look through my music collection. I want you guys to be able to witness my taste in music and hopefully i'll have left behind that feeling on your guys' tongues of music, hoping to touch you guys through music, since you have touched me through your movements through music.

"I would leave behind a miniscule memoirs for the light-hearted life that i would've left, hoping to leave small thumbprints in everyone's life that i've touched, rather than just a subtle brush of your soft surface of life.

"And of course, John, i can't say what i would actually leave you, because i plan on not dying soon enough to show you in person."

All of that came from the story of Van Gogh's Death. Interesting.

Almost Stranger Than Fiction. Oh, watch that movie. It's a beautiful take on the use of death in order to create a moving force of emotion. And it's also a message of selflessness and acceptance that all of us will die eventually. Which is why i think i'm writing this. Because i've accepted that thought we may be blessed with life on our birthdays, you still share that day with someone that has either lived or died that exact same day.

Tangentrines are Stranger Than Fiction. Pumpkin. Seattle. heh...

Forever Strange,

Matt.A

I'd like to wish a...

I'd like to wish a Happy birthday, or other festive greeting, to the following:

To everyone that wished me a Happy birthday today, that they realize that it's them who are having a birthday. 

It's funny, because the way that i put it, i would wish everyone that was celebrating the day with me a happy birthday, because if you're sharing the day with me, then obviously, it MUST be your birthday because I am not a selfish person - it is not just "My" day. It would be a day for everyone because apparently, to me, the day belongs to all of us.

But all that is beside the point. Today was so different. I had amazing conversations with All of my closest friends. Well, most of them at least. We talked about so many things in the "Bus."

(why it is so endearing to call a slightly rundown Safari the 'Big White Bus,' I'll never know)

I got to talk to my Bests, that i hadn't talked to in depth with in a very long time. I got to remember why i had such close friends and i rediscovered why they meant so much to me.

Whether we talked about Christianity, love, Tucker Max (anal sex hehe), quesadillas, boomerang physics, what happened last night, or whatever, I'll appreciate fully. I especially loved the quesadilla. And the Christianity conversation. Damn, that was really fulfilling, because i felt so informed and i got to answer a lot of questions. ;D

But anyways, on the way home while dropping off people, I was reminded of some really painful things in my life. I was reminded of Michelle and what i felt like last year, of what happened when we were in each other's lives, and what i felt like now. But what really got to me was when i was asked to talk about the present and my current flame. 

And really, it is SO painful because sometimes you just feel like there is a person so special that they can make you feel the way that you do. They make you realize things that you would've never thought on your own, or they enlighten you, or they make you even feel physically warm inside. 

And other times they make you feel unworthy or upset or troubled, and truly it's the cynic in all of us. That pessimistic feeling that grips you in the middle of the night and wakes you from your comfortable slumber because you fool youself into thinking that you might be good enough or you might be perfect together. But in reality, you only really believe what the other person thinks of you; You don't really ponder on the opinions of others - only for the approval of that person you're striving so hard to be with. And yet, you are truly too afraid to find what might lie in their minds, what thoughts precede their actions and whether they think before they speak. 

And yet you endeavor. You Struggle. You Persevere. Because they are that important to you.

And yet, you are still very timid. Because, as i've said once, i've said a thousand times. You are still too afraid of what lies ahead, because you are still stuck in the Past. And perhaps even, that they too might be stuck in their own version of the Past that still haunts them and causes them to be afraid of the future. 

Or maybe this is all just me talking to myself, because i'm even too afraid to admit that I might be afraid too. That maybe i'm just projecting myself into this writing because i can't fully admit it to you, my reader(s?). This had taken such a toll on me last night, and most of today, that it took me about a day and a half to finish writing. I started last night, into the early morning, and continued into the day and now I'm finally almost satisfied with it.

So once again, to all of those who wished me a Happy Birthday, i'd like to wish, every single one of you, a... 

Thank you. Thank you all so very much.

Thank you, PCS. Thank you, Metro! Thank you, Angelo. Thank you, January. Thank you, Jo squared. Thank you, -Di/Pumpkin/John/Favorite/What-have-you.

I guess i really am growing up, friends. This is a birthday that i won't (can't?) soon forget. It holds too many memories, past and present, too many pains and sorrows, too many good times, too many nostalgic times, too much of everything to contain within myself.

I'm never going to be the same again i suppose. 

And, if you still want to talk, I've got one more surprise, and i think this one is going to be the one that'll mean the most. To me, at least.

May you all be able to share many many, more blessed birthdays with me. Because i wasn't looking forward to that day much at all. I had forgotten about it. But now i hold a newfound respect for the day, for my friends, and even for my family. 

Huh. Thirty minutes? In the hallway...Really?

Sincerely persevering,

Matt.A

An Interesting Turn of Events...

Strange is about the only way i can describe the way I'm feeling right now. 

I skipped class in order to avoid having to deal with September 11th and its memories and past emotions. I mean, i did have something important to be doing, which can justify my absence from class. But still, it's a very odd day, to say the least.

Yesterday (And by "Yesterday" i mean the morning) I fell asleep after a very interesting conversation with my Favorite. We spoke about a LOT of things. We spoke of Aliens, and Pumpkins, and Dinosaurs galore; We spoke of the past and present and even dipped our feet in the future; I even told her about this list of things that i've been compiling for half a year that describes who i truly am, from the inside out. I haven't shared that with anyone. It's one of my true secrets that i've kept, but finally decided to let someone revel in the privacy of my Tidbits. But then nearing the end, it got somewhat "strange." 

That's all i really want to share about that.

But despite the bizarre feeling, there was still a lot of questions to take from how she felt. I didn't want to assume or prejudge anything so i just left it at, 

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm not really sure..."

I actually forgot what i was thinking, because it was so late and i was getting so tired. And her voice was so soothing, and tranquilizing...and then i think we both fell asleep for about 30 seconds. Then woke up, randomly. I remember saying Goodnight, then turning to the computer and it was already on Charlene. 

Press play. It's as easy as that.

So i, once again like so many times before, fall asleep, listening to Anthony Hamilton croon out the lyrics to Charlene. It's hard to say no to that guy's songs. I just rediscovered the song, "Dear Life," as well. Good guitar song.

So i'm asleep and it's weird, because i generally have a deep and dreamless sleep; but ever since i've had conversations with my Favorite, I've been evoking random dreamstates and that, in and of itself, is really....strange. It's like she unlocks the dormant part of my brain while I'm awake and my mind rewards me with dreams.

Strange. Not unlike the Marvel character, Doctor Stephen Strange. Because it's MAGIC.

Just kidding.

And i wake up, and my laptop is dead. Thanks macbook. See what happens the next time i take you down a flight of stairs! *Drops macbook on the floor* (Ok, doesn't actually drop the macbook on the floor, but who's to say i didn't!?) [Oh...i did. Ok resume writing blog, Matt.]

So i wake up and bring the laptop to the bathroom, and obviously connect to the laptop. And of course, the song is still up on my iTunes, so i hit play and take a shower to Charlene.

Then i get out of the shower and discover the usage of hairspray to give my hair the wet look, which i slightly enjoy. While humming Charlene.

I go out of my way to wear a sweater so that i don't end up shivering in the wind. And yet, after i make a photogram of a rosary and some Hearing Aid stickers (shameless plug...i know), i end up lying on the grass and relaxing, taking a nap in the exact same spot that i had laid in for the picture of Leaves. It's amazing how repetition can make the most mundane event so spectacular. In all seriousness, how strange but how amazing. And i listen to Charlene on my iPhone. On pseudo-repeat (it doesn't have a repeat feature, so i would go to the beginning of the track near the end of the song.)

And even in class, while developing prints in Photo lab, i caught myself humming to the all-so-familiar tune of, yes, Charlene.

So after waking from the bliss of lying and viewing leaves through the viewfinder of the camera that i'm loaning from CRC, for Photo 300whatever... (Which was really amazing mind you, because the viewfinder makes life interesting...), i ended up going through the schedule, the daily monotony that was the rest of day, at least until after class when we went to Russell's house to play around and worship. That was great. Not strange at all, at least, not really.

But really i don't want the day to be complete. Not until i have a conversation with her. That's how i determine whether or not my day feels complete, because to be honest, the talks that i have with her make my day feel absolutely consummated. Absolutely consummated.

My day is almost completed, almost concluded, almost perfected, almost refined. 

I just need to talk to her in order to complete it.

Because she completes me...

Leaves

Leaves are Amazing,

They Grow and are Beautiful,

Then Come Down to Earth.

I laid down on the grass today before class. I was absolutely amazed at what went on. I talked and listened and believed in something beautiful. I took a picture of these leaves because of what they represent to me. They grow when it's warm, becoming green with newness. Then come Down To Earth during the Fall. Fall is my favorite season, because of the transformation that goes on. 

It's the season of change, of life. The passing of the baton, the newness being transformed into something comfortable. Something fresh becomes something raw and withered. And yet there is hope in the following season.

I laid down on the grass today before class. Before that, i walked with someone who teaches me things i've known but have never seen in her light. She enlightens my path when I think that there is nothing but cracked earth and dry leaves. I believe that she is beautiful in her own right, not just because of how she looks, but because of her mannerisms and her lovely persona. I could have just laid there for the whole day, talking about how stunning the sky looked behind the leaves. How we wished that there were clouds that we could just manipulate with our hands and fingers and place them where we wanted, like an iPhone screen. And how i wished we could just stay there listening to our favorite songs lying down feeling the coolness of the wind on our skin and conveying our emotions through the lyrics of Anthony Hamilton.

"Baby I'll be,

Sitting here waiting on you to come home again

I won't leave, Promise I'll be here to the very end

By your side, To protect you and to love you and to be with you for life

Come on home, to me..."

Talking to her is like being able to drink your favorite drink, and have your favorite snack, while filling your mind with beautiful ideas and amazing perspective. And i was nervous to be there, but not an anxious distress; it was a chill that you feel when you're really excited about something but are too confused to process it or are too awestruck that there is absolutely nothing you can do but lie down, listen, and shiver in anticipation of the next spectacular words that come out of her mouth. Sometimes i already know what she's going to say, but i can still listen to her voice. Listening to her is like finding that perfectly soft pillow when you're falling asleep and getting ready to retire to your bed, but finding that amazingly soft spot on the couch and closing your eyes in quick and dreamless sleep.

*sigh* I would enjoy that right now.

MR. A-Z

I've been going bananas over re-listening to some of Jason Mraz's music, as of late. It's weird, because i kind of took him for granted these past years and put him in the backseat (more like trunk), while more mainstream people like Lupe Fiasco, Kanye, John Mayer and Co., have been putting me more and more into the comfortable mainstream scene. But i feel like i forgot what, or who i used to listen to, lately, and i went deep into music-soul-searching mode. And i utilized Pandora, which i haven't done in a while, to look at random people, like Lupe, or Kanye, or random people who have generic sounding music that almost sound like Gym Class, but don't. But i totally forgot that i have a Jason Mraz playlist. Curiously, i listen in.

First song i hear, i've never heard before. I remember automatically going to bookmark the song. It was "Song for a Friend," by Jason Mraz. On the album, Mr. A-Z, no less.

It seems like that song was just reflecting what i was feeling at the moment, or maybe because it was so good, or the fact that it sounded sad and melancholy, yet wholesome and full of hope. I don't know, music just brings out something emotional in all of us, especially me, i suppose.

Here's the song for those who haven't heard it:

Let me know what you guys think about it. It's just so amazing to me, and i'm curious as to what you guys are thinking about life. Or this song. Meh. Just a random experiment.

Kind of like that stupid poll on the right. ;D

It just makes me happy and hopeful when he says, 

"You need to learn, to love, your selfffff."

And of course when he starts to sing about who he loves. MAN. talk about my life...

Just the kind of song i needed to spice up a lonely day. Or remind me that i'm alone, but only in my head. And if i just wake up from my daydream, then maybe i'll be reminded that loneliness is only a daydream as well. But my dreams are still deferred, after all. 

If you've gots the poison, I've gots the remedy...

-Robot.M

These Guys...

Are just about the best Comic Guys you could ask for. Yes, i collect comics. And they make me happy, so what!?

I'd like to have a serious conversation about who your favorite superhero is. 

: D

Rawr

So, i had my braces tightened today...*sigh*

Right after some amazing sushi at Crazy Sushi.

That was depressing. i was like...well here's to eating my last good meal in awhile...